Snitchle, Snotchle, Snootchle, and Dear Little Sniffles

December 25, 2008

by Autumn Burdick

     Once upon a time in the land of Nausea there lived three brothers named Snitchle, Snotchle, and Snootchle, and they had a small pinscher dog named Sniffles. The three brothers’ father had just passed away, and their mother had been gone for a long time. So, Snitchle took it upon himself to parent his two younger brothers.

     Now, Snotchle and Snootchle did not like this at all; they thought the house should be run in a “democratic” fashion. But alas, their plan did not succeed, and Snitchle took command as head of the household. And, as the head, Snitchle would wake them up early, ordered them to brush their teeth and all sorts of horrid things. So, Snotchle and Snootchle decided to make it hard for Snitchle, hoping that he would give up of course. Every evening Snotchle would complain of stomach pain in order to not help with dinner, and Snootchle always had a runny nose when it came time to take out the trash to the incinerator. And dear little Sniffles did not help either. He refused to pick up the paper or guard the house from unwanted squirrels, because he did not like that Snitchle was buying “Top Dog” for his food instead of his favorite “Posh Pet Provisions”

     After six months of anarchy, Snitchle couldn’t take it anymore, and so he decided to leave and make his own fortune. Snotchle, and Snootchle did not mean to drive their brother Snitchle away. So, Snotchle, Snootchle, and little Sniffles too, figured out a way to keep an eye on their oldest brother.

     The night before the departure of Snitchle to become a cobbler’s apprentice in the town of Nauseous, Snotchle and Snootchle told Sniffles their plan. Now, Sniffles did not talk, because after-all he is a dog, but he did understand, as we shall see, for he followed Snotchle and Snootchle’s plan to the letter. The plan was to tie a long piece of red yarn to Snitchle’s ankle, and to tie the other end to Sniffle’s collar. Sniffles would follow Snitchle to look after him, but at a distance so Snitchle would not find out. And every night Sniffles was supposed to bark three sharp howls to let Snotchle and Snootchle know that all was well with their brother.

     “Farewell Snotchle and Snootchle, and goodbye little Sniff. I cannot handle it here anymore. You will all have to fend for yourselves. Farewell!” And as Snitchle said this last farewell, Snotchle slipped the yarn over his right ankle.

     Now, you are probably thinking wouldn’t Snitchle notice this brightly colored yarn around his ankle? But, he did not, as he was very busy learning his new trade. Unfortunately, for Snitchle, every time Sniffles would sniff a tree, or scratch behind his ear, the yarn lost slack, and Snitchle would fall flat on his face. This happened several times a day, and after two days of this exercise Snitchle developed quite a red nose, and just the sight of him made people snort with laughter. Snitchle did not wish to be laughed at; in order to counter becoming a fool Snitchle began to tell jokes to his shoe customers. His jokes combined with the appearance of his face and the fact that he fell down at unexpected moments caused Snitchle to be considered a humorous young man.

     One time, however, Sniffle’s antics nearly got Snitchle fired. One night Sniffles was snuffling near the roots of gigantic oak when he discovered the den of a fox family. Little Sniffles was cold, and the hole did look rather interesting, so he walked inside. The foxes were surprised and ran helter skelter out of the hole, and all around the glen.

     Consequently, the red yarn became quite a tangle, and Snitchle found himself being pulled all over his bedroom, and all over the cobbler’s workshop. He made such a mess! The basket of scraps was turned over, and the notions, spools of thread and leather twine were scattered all over the place! I can tell you that Snitchle’s boss was none too pleased at the mess he saw in the morning, that is until he caught a glimpse at Snitchle’s face. A small giggle become a guffaw, and the cobbler just slapped Snitchle on the back (Snitchle nearly fell over. The cobbler was a big man.) In his deep and grating voice he said: “I was going to fire you, but then I would have lost being able to see you, and I always can use a good laugh.”

     Back in Nausea, Snotchle and Snootchle lived in sty-le. No brushing their teeth. No vitamins before bed. No bed-making. No bathing! But after just three nights of freedom Snotchle started to have a real pain in his stomach. It was the pain of remorse. And Snitchle really did have a runny nose from crying. Snotchle and Snootchle decided they wanted Snitchle back with all his strictness –and besides they began to feel extremely dirty! They were glad that they had tied the yarn to Snitchle. And every night Snotchle and Snootchle listened towards the west for the sound of Sniffle’s howl, and he did howl. Snotchle and Snootchle were very happy to know that their brother was fine. They each hoped that one day soon they would all be back together.

     It happened two weeks after Snitchle’s arrival in the town of Nauseous that a decree was sent throughout the lands by King Hachoo. It was commanded that all the villages send their funniest citizen to be entered in his new jester contest, titled: “Send in a Funny Man and Get a Free Hankie.” You see, the prize for the winning village was to be a lifetime supply of pocket handkerchiefs for every inhabitant. As you can imagine, all the villages jumped at the chance to be the winner of such a grand prize, and Nauseous was no different. Everyone in Nauseous knew who would be their village’s contestant. It was common knowledge who was laughable: Snitchle.

     Hundreds of men and women came to the castle to try out for the jester, but none had the appearance of Snitchle. Snitchle’s looks, as well as his jokes, made the king roar with laughter. Snitchle was chosen to be the jester of king Hachoo, and as the jester he got to live in the castle. And all the inhabitants of Nauseous received pocket handkerchiefs for life, and because of this they wrote hundreds of fan mail to “Jester Snitch,” Snitchle’s new name as jester. But do not think we have forgotten about Snitchle’s younger brothers Snotchle and Snootchle, they too learned of their famous brother and traveled to see him in his new occupation, picking up Sniffles in the woods. Sniffles had been playing with the foxes. (They had become fast friends after their little nighttime skirmish.) When they all arrived at the castle Snotchle and Snootchle entered Snitchle’s chambers slowly with drawn faces.

     Snotchle was the first to speak: “Snitchle, we are very sorry that we did not make it easy for you to parent us.”

     “Arf” barked Sniffles as if to say: “‘Top Dog’ really is not so bad.”

     And Snootchle added, “Brushing your teeth can be a good thing…”

     “I know,” said Snitchle, gravely. “Would you both like to start again?”

     “Yes!” Gasped Snotchle and Snootchle. And little Sniffles leapt into Snitchle’s arms and began to lick his face.

     Little did Snitchle know the origin of his good fortune, and how a few fleas (and a skirmish with a fox family) caused him a little pain and a lot of good.

     Snitchle, Snotchle, Snootchle and Sniffles all lived happily together in the castle. And Sniffles did not need to hold the yarn anymore, for they painted Snitchle’s nose red instead. And that. my dear, is why to this day jesters wear red noses in the land of Nausea.

Dear Little Sniffles

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3 Responses to “Snitchle, Snotchle, Snootchle, and Dear Little Sniffles”

  1. OLEG Says:

    Inventive! And it answers an important question.

    Also, clever use of a ribbon.

    Sniffles must be charismatic, making friends with foxes.

  2. Ashley Says:

    Amusing!!! Autumn’s clever writing should win the “Laugh Aloud” award, because it made me laugh on at least two occasions: as she read it to me and again as I was “looking it over” before the entry…

    “‘Top Dog’ really is not so bad!”

  3. Hillary Says:

    Wanda Gag with a wink. This is a great story. I would frame the drawing and hang it on my wall.


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